so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
