I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize