Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
