so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
