I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
