it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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