i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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