I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
