Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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