Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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