its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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