His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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