We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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