covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
