drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In other news, I just burned my penis
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
