I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
