I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
