I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
