i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize