Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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