i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
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Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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