can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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