So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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