you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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