Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Vodka?
Forever.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
