I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
