wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
