don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize