Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
