I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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