But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
