she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
