Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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