shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
