It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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