I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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