Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
