and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
