I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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