I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
