I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
