Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Farmville is her only friend.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
