she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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