you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
