I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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