its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
