Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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