Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
