She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
