i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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