And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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