we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
