Umm I'm too high to move.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i will never coherently bang her
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
