This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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