You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
