Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
