Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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