A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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