Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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