When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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