I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
