You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
