yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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