he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
