sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
