Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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