White coat. Heels.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
