My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
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PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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