I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
